?We all loved that Sunderland documentary on Netflix, didn’t we? And that Spurs one on Amazon that’s coming out at the end of this season; can’t wait for that.
But now Disney have launched their streaming platform (Disney+) in the UK (?Sign up for a 7-day free trial here), and there’s a dearth of football content. There’s about seven million The Simpsons episodes (and eight seasons of good ones) and all the old X-Men cartoons, but…where’s our football stuff?
We’re meant to be paying £5.99 without any of THIS?!
It’s obvious, isn’t it? We don’t need actual football back, we need a docu-series on Ronaldinho’s time in a Paraguayan prison. We’ve already had 1) the fact that ?he’s in a Paraguayan prison, 2) the ?five-a-side tournament that he won for a suckling pig, 3) ?his birthday BBQ, presumably ft. Oinkers.
That’s all in the space of a couple of weeks, he could be in there for ?months. And these are just the stories we’re actually hearing about!? Picture: Ronaldinho charming some intimidating thugs by doing keepy-ups with a milk carton. Ronaldinho foiling the nasty wardens with wit and charm. RONALDINHO. SHENANIGANS.
?Theme song is sorted…
Lockdown: The Belarusian League Story
There’s more or less no football being played in the world right now – except in Belarus, where quasi-dictator
Coleen Rooney: Pet Detective
You know Coleen Rooney has absolute detective chops. The ?’It’s……..Rebekah Vardy’s account’ reveal on social media last year? That’s a flair for the dramatic, too.
Disney love animals, Coleen Rooney loves being a detective, buy the rights for the whole Ace Ventura thing off Warner Bros and
Once Upon a Time in the Potteries
Stoke. A magical place. A place where it rains on school nights; with a psychokinetic forcefield which stops Lionel Messi from playing football.
While Tony Pulis was there (2006-13), the club was almost universally hated. Small clubs thought they were overhyped, big clubs thought they were dirty b-stards, everyone with eyes thought they were staggeringly dull.
They didn’t see what was happening behind the scenes. Things like a naked Pulis headbutting James Beattie in the showers. Or Kenwyne Jones getting a pig’s head in his locker by mistake and retaliating with a brick through a car window. The wrong car window.
Behind the scenes of those seven years of chaos? The full story? Voiceover from Peter Crouch? On. The. Plane.
?The West Brom Taxi Incident. A mid-season (MID-SEASON!) trip to Barcelona, where four of the least interesting players for one of the Premier League’s least interesting clubs…stole a taxi. At half past five in the morning. A taxi that had already taken them to the place they decided to get late-night food.
Jonny Evans, Gareth Barry, Boaz Myhill – BOAZ MYHILL – and Jake Livermore. These are five-yard-sideways-pass men, and they stole a taxi in Barcelona in the middle of a season. And their manager was ALAN PARDEW.
Just a mini-series. Even a two-parter. We beg.
It’s very important that you know that Swansea City’s ‘Cyril the Swan’ mascot costume is haunted by the spirit of an ancient and deeply psychotic actual swan. That’s not a ‘legally acceptable’ defence, but it’s the only explanation for what has been a long history of……….well, Cyrilness.
In the late 90s he was charged with bringing the game into disrepute for causing mischief at an FA Cup match; getting a touchline ban and being the entire reason the FA had to make a code of conduct for mascots. He also got into it with Norwich director
For more from Chris Deeley, follow him on Twitter at @ThatChris1209!