4 May is Star Wars Day, because ‘May the 4th’ sounds a bit like ‘May the force be with you.’
Anyway, football and the nerd end of pop culture don’t exactly go hand in hand – but we wouldn’t be 90min if we didn’t at least try and draw some parallels.
You didn’t ask for it, but here are seven football figures and their characters within the Star Wars universe.
Sergio Ramos – Anakin Skywalker/Darth Vader
By the end of the prequel movies, Anakin has present day Ramos written all over him; he’s edgy, brooding, unpredictable, merciless, and darkly, unconventionally handsome.
Over the course of the movies, he is steadily traumatised into becoming one of the best villains in the history of cinema. So yeah, there’s only one man for the job.
Luke Skywalker – Mohamed Salah
In the most iconic scene of The Empire Strikes Back, widely accepted as the best Star Wars movie, Luke Skywalker clashes with Darth Vader in the big finale, ultimately ending in defeat for the protagonist, who requires surgery after damage to his arm.
This s**t writes itself.
Salah isn’t Ramos’ son, obviously, so we’ve got a plothole there, but we’ve got to take some liberties.
Lionel Messi – Master Yoda
Small, wise, determined and committed to the cause – at times to his own detriment. He’s the best around, and while no one’s quite sure how he is as good as he is, no one dares question him either.
Also, left-footed. Yoda would definitely have been left-footed.
David Beckham – Han Solo
The silver fox who uses his charm and good looks to get whatever he wants out of life, and backs it up with a lethal shot from distance.
We can even install Ryan Giggs as his Chewbacca – he has the chest hair for it.
Phil Jones – Jar Jar Binks
Gangly, gurning, cumbersome, generally ridiculous looking, and no one’s quite sure why he’s even there.
Yet, regardless, he’s one of the characters everyone remembers.
Jurgen Klopp & Xherdan Shaqiri – C-3PO & R2-D2
Here we’ve got the lanky, friendly brains of the operation, and his small cubic friend who never seems to leave his side despite the unconventional nature of their relationship.
They have their disagreements over the delegation of menial tasks, and though he’s less capable of eloquently expressing his thoughts, the smaller droid can give as good as he gets.
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