Countless times throughout his 16-year career Lionel Messi has proved that he’s simply not human.
All those who are blessed with La Liga TV or determined to grind through 90 minutes of scrawny pixelation on a dodgy stream witnessed yet another example on Saturday night.
In Barcelona’s 4-0 victory over Mallorca, the GOAT churned out a display that shouldn’t have been possible following a lengthy three-month lay-off. Bagging a pair of assists and a late right-footed strike, the Argentine’s performance was just pure insanity.
While empty stadiums, way too many substitutions and even cooling breaks have been promiment features of football in a Covid-19 world, another interesting facet are the players’ look – with no haircuts and all that.
In Messi’s case we saw a return of the babyface, with the bearded GOAT nowhere to be seen, while the combover up top looked like a tidier iteration of the barnet he rocked during his later teen years.
Nevertheless, we’ve seen some rascal looks from the Argentine over the years, whether it be trims, beards or attire.
Here are the pick of the bunch…
8. Supply Geography Teacher
The choice of attire from Brazilian trio Adriano, Neymar and Dani Alves is an insult to the retinas, while Rafinha is looking pretty darn slick on the contrary.
Messi, meanwhile, appears ready to teach about 25 16-year-old’s what happens at a destructive plate margin. Either that or how an ox-bow lake is formed, one of the two.
7. Dumb & Dumber Inspired
It’s a trim we regrettably saw on a couple of occasions early on in Messi’s career – most notably in 2006 and 2009. Lloyd Christmas would’ve been proud of this bowl chop, mullet and dopey grin combo.
6. The Mop
As his career progressed, Messi’s hair grew in direct correlation to his fearsome reputation.
By the summer of 2008, the Argentine’s luscious, long locks were akin to a ’70’s rock star as he guided La Albiceleste to Olympic gold in Beijing.
5. I Really Don’t Know…
There’s just so much wrongness going on here. From the bob which does little other than accentuate the size of his ears, to the outlandish dragon-patterned(?) jacket, it’s a woeful look.
Messi doesn’t look comfortable wearing it and I’m not exactly comfortable gazing at it, neither should you.
4. Ginger Beard
No problems with the ginger beard per se, just a bit crazy Lionel Messi had a ginger beard.
The blonde tips which soon followed completed a more stylish look up top, as the Argentine attempted to drain his sorrows after La Albiceleste’s defeat in the 2016 Copa America final on penalties.
3. Garish Red
Following his fashion flop at the 2012 ceremony – oh, you’ll see – Messi thought it would be best to turn up to the 2013 Ballon d’Or awards looking like a tin of Quality Streets… or Ron Burgundy.
Another poor showing which was finally punished as Cristiano Ronaldo broke Messi’s streak of four consecutive Ballon d’Or crowns.
2. Platinum Blonde
Messi’s shock switch to a brave, blonde barnet was certainly rascal, but it kinda worked.
Inspired by Aaron Ramsey and Samir Nasri’s 2016 summer bleachings, the 32-year-old radical hair shape-up wouldn’t last long following a poor start to the 2016/17 campaign by his exceedingly lofty standards.
1. Polka Dot Disaster
It may have been the finest calendar year of football we’ve ever seen by one man, but not even his 91 goals in 2012 could spare the great Argentine from the justified slander he received for this polka dot monstrosity he donned on awards night.
The undisputed number one. The thinking behind it needs its own ten-part Netflix series.